Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.
Meaning
This quote uses humor to describe marriage as neither perfect happiness nor complete misery, but as a difficult middle ground. The word “purgatory” suggests a place of waiting, discomfort, and testing. The deeper idea is that close relationships naturally include both joy and frustration. When two people live closely together, their differences become impossible to ignore. Instead of expecting marriage to feel perfect every day, this quote invites us to recognize that patience, compromise, and understanding are often part of sharing a life with another person.
How to Use
- Do not treat every disagreement as proof that a relationship is failing. Difficult moments can exist alongside genuine love.
- Use gentle humor to reduce tension when appropriate, rather than turning every small problem into a serious battle.
- In everyday decisions, look for solutions that respect both people instead of constantly trying to prove who is right.
- When frustration becomes loud, deliberately remember the kindness, companionship, and good moments that also exist in the relationship.
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Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.
— Abraham Lincoln
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Frequently Asked Questions
What does Abraham Lincoln mean by calling marriage “purgatory”?
The phrase is humorous rather than a literal description of marriage. It portrays marriage as a challenging middle ground where happiness and frustration can exist together, especially when two people must continually adjust to each other's differences.
Is this quote saying marriage is unhappy?
Not necessarily. Its humor comes from exaggeration. The quote suggests that marriage is not always heavenly or terrible; it can involve ordinary struggles, disagreements, compromises, and moments of happiness all at once.
Why does Lincoln compare marriage to heaven and hell?
“Heaven” represents complete happiness, while “hell” represents complete suffering. By placing marriage between them, the quote jokes about how real relationships rarely fit either extreme. They contain both rewarding and difficult experiences.
What can couples learn from this quote?
Couples can remember that disagreement is not automatically a sign of failure. Living together requires patience, flexibility, and compromise. A realistic view of marriage can make ordinary frustrations easier to handle without allowing them to overshadow the relationship's positive moments.
Is this quote meant to be taken seriously or humorously?
It is best understood as a humorous observation. The striking comparison makes the quote memorable, while also pointing toward a familiar truth: close relationships can be complicated, and sharing a life with someone involves both comfort and challenges.